What a great day! I feel so full! Maybe it is all the wheatgrass I’m having. I’ve just been on fire all day. Not overanalyzing and getting in my head so much. Today, I am an invitation for others to know me. Today, for example, I sat by this person, an acquaintance, I haven’t seen in a while and we talked. I really didn’t want to; I get anxiety sometimes around people, especially when it is one-on-one; although many people wouldn’t guess it. lol. Spontaneous is good, but when I get in my thoughts and think about spending time with someone I haven’t spent time with, I get nervous and I wonder if I’ll be seen and accepted for who I am. “Will they be o.k. if I have nothing to say?” is a question that often pops up.
I realize that really the empowering thought to this is, “Can I be o.k. if I have nothing to say? Am I o.k. with who I am and where I am at to accept myself in this present moment, in front of this person?” I make the choice to stretch and when I do, I never regret it. However, usually when I open myself up to another person, it is because I am really loving myself. When I am not loving myself, I want to close up and I am less in my body and heart. More in my thoughts.. Interesting. What I see is what I get. Amazing.
My yoga teacher today invited us to shake and kind of dance on our mats. I giggle at the thought of Elise Lorimer’s sense of humor. She said as she was making some crazy movements, “I’ll be bold. So you can be bold.” YES! Mmmm. Humility. It’s still a challenge to bring that goofy side of me out in front of most people. I accept that it is not a key character trait, but I really appreciate when I feel so free that I can just make an ass out of myself and not care. That sense of caring of what people think registered in me when I was a child. I realized this during therapy last week. Earlier in the week, I had a visualization of my head being smashed down. This is triggering sadness in me, so I’m going to take a moment to breathe before I go further…
I’m just going to share myself deeply because maybe this is me embracing humility, maybe this is what free looks like. I saw myself being slammed down, pushed down by an object and I couldn’t get my head up. It is a sad feeling and it triggers painful memories during childhood, but I believe I am getting encouragement from the heavens to process this further. I really think I battle most with self-esteem issues, not thinking I’ll be good enough. Fortunately, I am conscious and strong enough to not accept these visions as reality and I am grateful for the insight.
Full of gratitude and warmth inside. I love loving me.