There are so many coincidences, except I do not believe in coincidence so much. They are signs.

I pulled the exact same cards than on Thursday when a girlfriend came over distressed because of her breakup with her lover. She pulled the “Hanged Man” while I pulled (for her) “the sun.” I often pick the same cards when I read tarot and I’m amazed by the insight that comes from them as the story unfolds.

I am more convinced that the ultimate truth lies in consciousness and creation, as well as trust and faith when one let’s go of the need to be in control. We are not in control. I am not in control, but my thoughts, actions, and attitudes, and most importantly, my intentions- do have a say in the karmic laws, stating that what we perceive, think, believe, we also attract.

Seeing my girlfriend on Thursday, I saw the part of myself that did not trust. The part of myself that clings on to the past, preventing me from experiencing what is present and new to its fullest…”A relinquishing of control so that a greater sense of life can emerge.” The image conveyed in the card is a symbol of the inner wisdom within us that allows ourselves to accept the great mystery as an “unfoldment of an inner design which is not yet clear.”

This means:

A sacrifice on trust
Taking risks.
Letting “myself” be vulnerable
Voluntary sacrifice of an external thing or an inner attitude- for me, a sense of control, security, aloofness/indifference.
An abandonment of what may have been previously held as sacred- for me, relationships with friends and/or lovers, knowing that they will be around or maybe- it is the the EXPECTATION that they will be around and the security of knowing that I am loved and/or special by being wanted…(definitely, feeling an aching in my heart right now)(deep breath).

Geez. I think. This is hard work! I have to give up the old patterns of acting indifferent in the face of not getting what I want.
I have to accept that things are as they are. I can’t blame others for the experiences I have, the emotions that arise. I can’t make excuses for why I’m not getting what I want. A part of me definitely wants to blame and put on my hard suit and be indifferent so I can avoid the emotions. It is very natural, it almost seems real.

But being indifferent is not the truth. It is not real. So I stay vulnerable.

I am secure within myself.
I am worthy.
I am optimistic
I trust
I am moving forward.

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