Change is in the air. I do not yet know where I will live in August. I have 2 weeks to find out. Gladly, I am not worried. I know that I have options. I trust that the universe will point me in the direction I need to go. Right now, I am drawn to the East Bay. My body says “yes,” although practically speaking, school is there and it is quieter. I may return to my sublet in the city in November, although I desire family, a family that wishes to live and create a sacred space with me. I may move into a house of beautiful and amazing womyn that I know. That is ideal; however, I let go of any ideas or thoughts that there are particular people in my life to fulfill my needs. Yes. I need people. I couldn’t survive without them, and yet, I am told that the greatest lesson in living is in letting go of expectations of how things and people should be. It is a constant practice for us Scorpios and probably many others.
Instead of maintaining control, I am flexible, light-hearted, and loving.
Admittedly, it is uncomfortable to feel out of control. Like a student on an abounding river that has no banks, I strive for some sense of it. The greatest and most powerful sense of control I have however is in my emotions. At times, I just want to scream and yell curse words. Generally, I’m pretty even. Occasionally, I will get to a point of exhaustion and have no energy that I will need to relax and do nothing or play on my flute or sit and pray or sleep. Throughout my day, I might make subtle noises and I will shake to allow the vibration/energy to flow through me and out. This is a very healing tool to practice, yet many people look at me like I’m crazy.