Monthly Archives: September 2010

Revised/continued: I want a partner is that true? Questioning thoughts.

“I want a partner,” is that true?

Sometimes I get impatient and lack trust in finding true companionship. A friend who will really be my friend, without expectation of sex or anything more than who I am in the moment. Perhaps, in part, this comes from a story that I’ve created that all men are looking for a relationship or sex. Perhaps we are getting older and people are feeling more interested in deep intimacy and they wonder how deeply intimate a platonic relationship can go…

I believe that- I AM PROJECTING! HA!

I accept that I want intimacy. I desire true companionship, a great FRIEND who is patient and loving and interested in moving slow, someone who is more interested in being my friend than having sex with me.

I am learning that:

I do not need a relationship with any one person to fulfill my need to feel special. In fact, it is not what I want at all! I don’t want a relationship to feel special, to feed my ego; I desire true, authentic relationships/friendships. I desire to know and be with other beings who are on the spiritual path with me, they want to learn about themselves and create for the good of others and the earth!

I am enjoying just BEING with friends and by myself, every moment is an opportunity. There is so much power in the present moment, so much more to experience. It is a constant practice and I often have to remind myself. It is getting easier to notice however.

I notice and I love the giving and receiving in relationship. When I stop being generous, I feel less connected to my true self.

Deep intimacy can be felt in true friendship, where the seeds of trust and love are without conditions; It starts with the self.

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I want a relationship? Is that true? Would it mean that he/she was always around? I don’t want that. but yes, I want to be with someone where quality resides over quantity and yet, I have the integrity within to not take offense. I notice that this frustration of not feeling wanted or loved, only comes from a need to feel special, which culture has conditioned me into thinking “IS” love. to feel special is not to be loved. I know that I am loved and appreciated because I AM love and love expands and extends to others loving me. This is not self-seeking, but, what I believe to be a universal law or truth. It just is.

when the time is right, he/she will come. It will be natural and easy. He/she will want to be with me and will also understand the essential quality of space and balance. He/she is beautiful and loving. I will feel all the love, an unconditional love, real and divine love. “They” will be present with me to see and know me. Our love will slow down time. It will be healthy. We will both be committed to a mutual goal: spiritual growth and development. Until then, the love within me grows. I am watering the seeds of self-love.

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Freedom is a State of Mind: working through guilt and fear

Mountain Lion Medicine teaches, lead by example, through personal integrity.

Guilt:

Today, I am letting go of guilt. I am becoming one and resonating with all those people who feel guilty and ashamed because they are out of integrity in their own lives. I feel out of integrity, driving so much. I feel out of integrity because driving is not sustainable and it is not who I am. I am resonating with all those people feeling heavy because of their own choices. I see that I choose to have a car. I will let the guilt go and I will be grateful for my car, for right now, it has a purpose. I am grateful for my car.

and..living alone. I feel some guilt because I am living alone. I really like to live alone. I feel I need the space for my balance. but is that true? Probably it is not. I do not need to live alone, I just want to, and I can accept this choice, because this choice came from a vision and I do not regret listening to this vision. I have been doubting living alone because I am working a lot and this transitional period creates anxiety for me. Breathe.

“This too shall pass.” Whoever said those words, inspires me. Guilt. Fear. They are low vibrations. I choose to trust and love, be patient, work hard, and show up! My vibration already seems to lighten, I feel more free.

I am now remembering the book, “Man’s search for meaning.” by Victor Frankl. Living in a concentration camp, where death was a constant reminder and what did he do? He chose to be generous, to hold space for others. He teaches that freedom is a state of mind.

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