The past 2 days were bumpy, as I noticed myself in my thoughts more. Thoughts about scarcity, not being enough, as well as feeling sad and broken hearted about friendships.
I comforted myself a great deal yesterday, knowing that I am never alone, acknowledging that friendships on the material plane of reality are an illusion anyway. What does it matter if I or a friend emotionally distance from each other? Does it mean anything? Perhaps only that ego was driving the relationship. A friend wants to be more than platonic friends, there is no reciprocity, one perhaps is left frustrated and needs distance…all to serve the ego, but perhaps for respectable reasons. He said, “I have to let go.” “I don’t feel special.” I said, “ok,” and I was fine with it, except perhaps, it opened his very same wound in me. “I don’t feel special.”
I can find humor in that. After all, I can relate to how frustrating it is to NOT have my desire to feel special fulfilled by another person. So- I’m swallowing good medicine.
The challenge really is in staying open-hearted to new and developing friendships, despite ego’s desire to fulfill a need to feel special.
Practices for emotional balance:
I am one with God.
A calming, warm bath with aromatherapy for the heart center.
A walk in the cool night with fresh air.
Alternative nostril breathing- 10 minutes+
Meditation, holding acupressure points. 11 min +
Reading with purpose to understand self.
Visualization to elevate the heart. Good Eagle medicine.
Listening to body, to go home and nurture self- despite fulfilling what I “have to” or “should be” doing
Turning my phone off and cutting off communication to focus on myself.