I just got back from a self-worth workshop that was this weekend, a workshop in which each member went on a personal journey of their life.
In the beginning, when I was asked on what wounds I am healing from, I could conjure memories, but became immediately present to all that I had forgiven. My memories are now just stories and those wounds which hurt me once no longer serve me. I don’t need them as much and yet what I come to realize is that what I am healing from is the ego-ic mind.
I see the ego-ic mind and I experience it within myself. The ego-ic mind is full of judgment and criticism. It thinks it is better than others and so it tries to control situations and people. The truth is that it is afraid, because it can’t possibly know what will happen in the future. Fear feeds the ego-ic mind and tells it that it must protect itself. The ego-ic mind does not trust situations or people the way they are; this often creates guilt, shame, and self-hatred. The ego-ic mind does not want to learn or listen, it just wants to be right, even perfect. It knows that it is not perfect and therefore seeks validations from outside constantly and so becomes resentful of what people say and do. The ego-ic mind thrives on having it’s needs met and suffers when it perceives that its needs are not met.
Our lives are often run by the ego-ic mind, but a healthy ego serves us only as a vessel to create joy and lasting peace. It shares and wants to serve, rather than be served. It is committed to love rather than fear.
It is hard to unravel this straggle-hold of the ego-ic mind and that is why we must have compassion for ourselves and for others. We have to forgive the ego-ic mind and see it for what it is. We suffer because of our ego-ic mind and we fear its release so much that we don’t want to let it go. That is if we are even present to it.
How is the ego-ic mind running your life and affecting your choices? What are you afraid of, have a difficult time letting go?
As with me, the ego-ic mind creeps into my thoughts. I know it is the ego-ic mind when I realize I am afraid of something. I am learning to trust others and let go and forgive their ego-ic mind.
It’s a process.
“You can never get rid of your fears, you can never get rid of your pain, no matter what effort you make, until you have the guts to forgive yourself. Just forgive yourself.” Yogi Bhajan
What I realized during the workshop is that many people are wounded by other people in particular. There are degrees of projection and dissociation, maybe they are stages of healing. Trust their process. Perhaps, we don’t forget our wounds as children, we just learn to relate to them differently…
Essential to healing: feeling safe to release emotions that do not serve. Guidance when necessary. Healing support from family, friends, therapist and support groups. Quiet to listen to answers within. Validation of feelings. Letting go. Massage and bodywork. Healthy thoughts, nourishing food. Movement. Forgiveness. Acceptance.