Monthly Archives: April 2011

There is nothing to fear in God

What have I been learning?

Lately, I have been learning trust. Trust in God.

My experience, for a time, had been working to process certain fears. I was afraid because often, I felt blank, “boring”, without words. I was aware of changes happening within me, a certain embracing of uncertainty, non-reactivity, an acceptance of not knowing anything. At the same time, I was kindof scared of this experience. As if the uncertainty and the not knowing was becoming me. As if I was losing my mind, without an opinion or answer to anything. It was an experience that got me to question my faith. I got present to the process of healing; the stage of bargaining. This is what we do when we feel helpless. When we feel things are going “wrong,” we bargain with God; however, fearing God at the same time.

God is nothing to fear. We were taught to believe that we are born of sin. The belief that we are sinners of this world creates guilt and we feel ashamed of the things we do because oftentimes, we do them out of habit and fear. However, I am learning and trusting that God does not know fear. To God, all that we ask in suffering in an illusion and therefore, it does not respond. Why would God respond to the illusionary world that we make up? If we can not see heaven, which is also here on earth, then we are still dreaming in what the Course in Miracles would call, “the tiny mad idea,” this idea that we are separate from God and from ourselves as creators. According to Gary Renard’s channeling of Arten in his book the Disappearance of the Universe:

“The awesome magnitude of the painful shame and acute guilt in your mind, resulting from what you believe you’ve done, appear to require an immediate and complete escape. So you join with the ego, and then the incomprehensible power of your mind to make illusions as a perceiver- rather than make spirit as a creator- causes the method of your escape to become manifest. At the point the ego, which you are not totally identified with, uses ingenious but illusory method of projection to hurl the thought of separation out of your mind, and you-or at least the part of you that seems to have a consciousness- appears to be projected right along with it.” pg 142

True awareness is seeing Self within creation. Rather than believe God and me are separate, the truth is God and I are ONE. The ego perceives while God creates. The ego fears, while God loves. When I start believing that I am separate from God, I build on this illusion of separation and fear.

Then I think of death and the importance of the body. I have been concerned about my kidneys and have been working to strengthen them. I wonder if I am doing enough and although I trust, there is that voice that says, I need to do more. There is that guilt that I am not doing enough. I am learning and believing God does not know this: “not enough.” It is my ego that thinks that I am not enough; however, in perfect timing, God acts. God speaks through me and guides me to what I need in the moment. Answers, signs, and help comes in many forms and its all God speaking to me. God is not the cause of my kidney deficiency, however, he is my intuition, the voice that signals for me to act accordingly.

God is all light.



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Spiritual Emergence leading to Crisis: Shakti Pad

Shakti Pad: The stage of the Practitioner

Along the path of wisdom, of spiritual development, we meet at Shakti Pad. This is the stage of the practitioner and is “the most crucial, transitional, and challenging of all the stages.” This stage determines whether we progress toward mastery. In my textbook “The Aquarian Teacher” Level 1 manual, what is required at this stage is the “ability to choose a goal, fix on a motivation, and consciously commit to a set of values.”

This stage of spiritual development is also “the test of power.” Where decisions are done out of habit or unconscious patterning, doubt prevails, commitment is lost. The practitioner does not excel past this stage until he gives up what he thinks he knows is best, the desirable, and begins to embrace trusting what he doesn’t know. This is why Yogi Bhajan describes this stage to the next as determined by a leap of faith rather than a rope which connects the practitioner directly to the master.

“The experience of this type of decision-making is often unpleasant and frightful. It is beset with uncertainty and often fills the practitioner with doubt. It is a perilous and existential moment. It is an agonizing decision- a question of identity and commitment. The decision is made through deliberate effort to reach the correct perspective of the whole, and to discern the true significance of the decision.”

If the practitioner looks at the whole situation and consciously acts from the whole or part of the whole, this period in training will be won with trust, healing, and a greater connection to God or ONE Self. Thus, it is at this period where the test of one’s belief in God is most challenged. It may be a dark period and for some cultures or religions, this stage of spiritual development is where we go through the “mystic death,” the death of the “false” self or the ego. At this stage, the practitioner struggles with his belief in God and higher intelligence. He may resort to blaming God or other people for his problem and fall back on old ways of doing and being that do not serve him or his higher Self. Maybe he forgets what it is he truly wants and because he is fraught with so many difficulties within himself, he becomes depressed. The practitioner in crisis who finds himself aware of the alternate reality struggles with this reality because he is still afraid and his trust has not yet outgrown his fears. Thus, he clings to what he knows as much as he can. Possibly, the practitioner feels that he is losing his mind and indeed he may. However, the possibility of “no” mind could be a gift, as the practitioner becomes more aware of himself, he finds himself less reactionary and more in trust of the “unknown.” His glass is empty and because of this, he can be a great teacher, guide, and lover to all. If he falls predator and prey to fear, however, he could suffer a great deal; his heart will not be interwoven with his decisions. If this is the case, he must always return to balance through actions having to do with heart, that is through self-love and service to others.

At this stage of development, we find that the ego wants to hang on while the ONE self desires to let go. This is perhaps what OSHO describes as schizophrenia. This stage in spiritual development is beset with uncertainty and perhaps can be described by some as “the dark night of the soul.”

Some practitioners at this stage do not experience ego-death and may wonder why they should have to. Their ego gets stronger and they become more imbedded in the web of illusion, also known as maya, which is beset with karmic influences and universal laws. The practitioner may blame God or other people because his ego believes they are more deserving and they resent having to have to go through anything at all. They retreat back to old ways of being without seeing the hint of what there is to learn or heal from. The ego does not want to see oneness; however the practitioner in spiritual crisis is being jolted to practice what he himself resists and yet must see. The ego strives for control, certainty and specialness and becomes ignorant, depressed, isolated, and/or split thus leading to even more dissociative thoughts that make him seem crazy to “others,” who are also unaware of the spiritual nature of the “problem.” The practitioner succumbs to fear and and can not see light; however the light is always there.

I share this information because there doesn’t seem to be a lot of talk of “Shakti Pad,” or spiritual emergencies. I feel called to share this information, because I know that for some, a spiritual emergency can happen on a unconscious level, meaning without intent of a spiritual emergence or awakening. For those who are on a spiritual quest, perhaps this writing will be a sign to stay on track or an offering of some kind. It is my understanding that some spiritual emergencies are actually “kundalini awakenings” that can lead to greater connection to oneself and God. However, without the awareness or preparation, this experience can lead to crisis. This is why the path of healing is so important and especially at this time. If we aren’t on a path of healing from the ego-ic mind, the separated self, we can be unaware of the true nature of dis-ease and dissociative disorders which lead to fatigue and more depression. We must all be on a path of healing to prepare ourselves for the spiritual emergence that is occurring at this time.

I gather this information partly from books as well as from intuition, personal experience and observation.

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Idealizing the spiritual warrior within

A spiritual warrior knows that around the corner he may face death.
But despite knowing, he walks without armor, without fear of this impending death.
Instead, he embraces life as if there is no such thing as death.
for to him, he will not have lost anything, but have been grateful for all that he has lived.
Despite knowing, he walks without armor, without fear,
for he trusts that when it is time, his life will have been in the name of God.
And death will have meant that he has offered all he could in that life.
Until then, however, he continues to serve and to learn.
He is grateful to be alive.
Everyday he blesses the earth and the sky. Mother and father.
He is grateful for his body and his time on earth.
Despite fear of impending death. he stands with courage and gratitude.
He stands as a teacher and as an example
for to see him, to know him
He carries not the world’s worries.
He trusts and that makes him free.

Some people may think he is foolish. They may call him harsh words
for his heart is open even to the ugly, the profane, the criminal.
He may feel fear but he does not let it dictate his decisions and so he seems callous.
He discerns and walks with awareness. He knows when it is necessary to retreat
However despite his judgment he always chooses to see love.
He who sits in front of him is love.
Misunderstood as indifferent to some
He is not.
He trusts.
He is free.

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Extend love through inspiration rather than intellect.

“Mulla Nasruddin was a school teacher. Every day for many years he rode his donkey to school. At last the attitude of learning caught hold of the ass too and one day he turned to the rider on his back and asked, “Mulla, why do you go to school every day?”

The Mulla was quite taken aback. Was he hearing right? Did the donkey really speak? He had heard many donkeys speak, but never a four legged one! However, if those others can talk why not this one? The Mulla thought, “It must be that all this going to school has had an effect on him and he has just begun to speak. It was my own fault bringing him to school everyday.”

“Why do you want to know?” asked the Mulla

“I am curious, thats all. Why do you come to school every day?” Said the donkey.

“I come to teach the children.”


“So the children can learn.”

“What happens by learning?”

“A person gains intelligence and wisdom.”

“What use is intelligence?” persised the ass

“What us you say? It is because of my intelligence that I am riding you!” said the Mulla

“Teach me also, Mulla. Give me intelligence!” Said the donkey

“Oh, no.” said the Mulla, “I am not foolish. Then you will be riding me!” ”

OSHO, “The True Name”


What is the use of intelligence or knowledge if it is not inspiring to one another. If we are extending love, we inspiring each other to be love. If we are extending intellect, however, we are merely teaching what the ego desires for itself. Through our intellect, the ego-ic mind limits its words to its own benefit and keeps for itself what it fears it would lose. What would it lose? It would lose itself for the ego thrives on being right, good and “best.” There is no such thing, however. If we have more “knowledge” than another, it does not mean we are better or more right or good. If we have more “knowledge” then that knowledge or wisdom can be used to share and inspire. It is does not, then it is not useful to that person. If it is not useful to the person, we may find 2 people competing to be right, better, or good. If this happens, we have two intellects competing through their knowledge of what they “know”. Perhaps they are saying the same things but their ego do not want to be “one” and so it looks to be “devil’s advocate” and share what it does not even believe itself.

What is the use in sharing knowledge, when it is not inspiring. While we have the presence to share in the silent moments of simply being ONE with each other, the ego-ic mind thrives on intellect and “knowledge” so that it can feel more special.

Why do we do this?

Is it because we are afraid?

Let us practice sharing and extending love. Being wise and having knowledge is not a thought but comes only in the moments when it is useful/helpful, to inspire someone or oneself. Let us practice silence, sitting in the comfort or the discomfort of simply being with another person or oneself without having to say a word.

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If we want to create and manifest an idea, a project, a way of being in our lives, it is helpful to imprint in the mind what it is we are creating. This way we are present to the opportunities that come our way. This is the nature of divine order. We create in our minds, through our thinking and feeling. Once our thoughts and feelings become in line with our doing, then creation steps in and we manifest.

Often times we are manifesting things we don’t want. This is because our thinking, believing (feeling) and doing is not in alignment. At the root of this may be because we are afraid and indecisive. We go back and forth between what we think we want and not believing or feeling that we can create it or that we are worthy and/or deserving of what we want. This prevents us from taking the action in creating what we think we want.

We weren’t taught that we are constantly co-creating with the universe. Our view of “reality” has been filtered through our fears of past conditioned beliefs that originated before our time. We can recreate a new view of “reality,” manifesting what it is we think we want, through gratitude, forgiveness, visualization, through feeling our fears…

Healing is essential to manifesting. Admittedly, I am still healing and what am I healing from? I am still healing from our belief in separation. The belief that we are separate from God, from ourselves as co-creators and creations of God, and our fears of a judgmental and punitive God. “I” believe that this is at the root of what gets in the way of our thinking, believing and doing and this is why healing is so important…

We often don’t trust who we are!

Trust is another ingredient to manifesting. In a sense, to trust is to do. It is a way of being. We train our minds to think what we are creating and we begin to resonate with the thought through feeling. Then we have to trust. We may think that we have to “get” what we want, but the law of gender teaches us that with everything, there is both a gestation period and an incubation period. The gestation period is represented by the divine feminine. She is the shadow, the place where we create through our mental imprinting and prayer. Through our devotion and through our healing, we prepare ourselves for the incubation process to become that which we are creating.

Example: What I am creating through gratitude:

I am full of gratitude for a community that inspires. I am very present to all the people in my life who are committed to love, evolution and consciousness. This community is building. I am surrounded by people who inspire. Together, we are creating. We are inspiring. We are evolving. We are healing. We are growing. Together, we expand!

I am present to all the abundance. Life is such a blessing. I get to be here on earth another day and I am grateful. I am blessed to see that there is so much beauty. The flower that sits on my alter. The food. Thank you Heaven. Thank you Earth. Thank you for the experience of life and living, the joy, the pain. Thank you for the lessons at love.


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