I am not my thoughts.
It seems that one might believe it so much that they become critical, judgmental, and/or emotional to react as if everything I think, I should say. Clearly, all thoughts are not true and so, oftentimes, I ponder to myself without sharing. Oftentimes, I have few words to make sense of what I think and so when I speak, simply out of discomfort, I feel dumb.
I am comforted by what Gandhi has to say about this:
“Experience has taught me that silence if part of the spiritual discipline of a votary of truth. Proneness to exaggerate, to suppress or modify the truth, wittingly or unwittingly, is a natural weakness of man, and silence is necessary in order to surmount it. A man of few words will rarely be thoughtless in his speech; he will measure every word. We find so many people impatient to talk. There is no chairman of a meeting who is not pestered with notes for permission to speak…All this talking can hardly be said to be of any benefit to the world. It is so much waste of time. My shyness has been in reality my shield and buckler. It has allowed me to grow. It has helped me in my discernment of truth.” (Gandhi, 62)
Admittedly, I often sit in discernment of my thoughts. My ego-ic parts still run a muck at times and although I am much more capable of discerning the truth from my ego, I still at times, just want to shut it up. To me, it is like hearing an abusive person tell me the lies I have been told my whole life. I am so grateful to have grown from feeding the ego-ic thoughts however, and will say that it is helpful to let them be, more so than give them energy by reacting to them.
Clearly, I need to meditate longer, or do I? I have met a good deal of powerful healers and non-reactive teachers to observe that there is that chariot in their being, a great deal of light, gifts bestowed, beside a shadow/ego that just doesn’t budge. Perhaps it is the case that we can never get rid of the ego-ic machine but rather it is the awareness of who we are that is naturally good and of service to God/love that keeps our integrity intact and in service to the higher good for all beings. It is an ego that directs itself to God, to loving and serving another to make him greater than himself that separates him from the demise of shadow.
“The most evolved soul becomes the global citizen.”
I remember hearing this at the Science and Non-Duality Conference and it makes sense to me; the more unified one becomes, the greater their compassion and ability to serve. Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Bob Marley and Jesus are the most notable in mind, all of whom praise and love God.
So perhaps the most evolved soul is the one who directs his attention to the divine, to God, who grants him his abilities, to be put to use to serve the greater good.
And so he merges into oneness to be all that he can be onto this life and serve for generations to come.