Monthly Archives: January 2012

Replenishing the water, life force energy.

When one is not taking care, sometime the river will dry. When this river dries, the convergence for which it merges becomes “hopeless.” Negativity ensues. One must let their river, their lifeforce energy, their vitality, their capacity to be in the world and not of it, flow. Consider when the water dries, what is it that is needed to replenish it? Is there anything that is creating the water to dry up specifically? “Is there anything in the way that I have created to prevent more water from entering?”

When the water stops flowing, it stays still and after a while, the water becomes murky and dirty. No one wants to swim in it or enjoy this water. The life force energy gets cut and then it dries in its own self-loathing and negativity. Then, it starts to make everything wrong around it. It starts to blame and protect itself. It creates barriers around it. So the water stops flowing and the sun comes and eventually it becomes putrified and then it dries up.

When water dries and life force energy stops flowing, it creates a lot of fire. Is it anger? Ask Self, what am I afraid of that has me hold on to this anger? Is it sadness? What is it that has me afraid to let go of sadness? In chinese medicine, fire that is out of control is related to deep sadness, even mania. When the water of your coffers dry, ask yourself, “Have my thoughts turned toward darkness that I see no light?” or “Have I been living and reacting out of fear, that I stopped loving myself?”

Self-sabotage is often the case, in which we dry our river and prevent flow from entering. We sabotage ourselves because we are afraid. There is a part of us that benefits through choosing tendencies and habits, self-loating and blaming others. Eventually, however, the water dries and we stop loving ourselves. We stop loving people we are in relationship with too.

One must make extra effort at this time to replenish the water, the soul, the body, and the mind. Look at what way of being is obstructing the flow. Probably, it is a fear of some kind. Ask yourself, “how can I love myself today?” and do/be it!

Perhaps, when our water dries up, we may feel stuck because we have made more commitments than we can handle. If this is the case, choose your circumstance powerfully and that will be enough to create more flow, replenishing the waters of Self. Perhaps from this, an idea will come of what you can do. Perhaps, from this, you will realize your circumstance or situation could benefit you and another and that it has a purpose. From this, your attitude will change and so will how you feel.


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The ego, living in its insane world would have us believe that to have something or someone within reach requires manipulation. On the subtle level, manipulation can be used intentionally, with some awareness, and unintentionally, without awareness or unconsciously. Either way, manipulation is done out of fear and only creates more guilt and shame, karma and illusion that will eventually have to be surfaced, whether in the form of crisis or emergence.

Manipulating really stems from a fear of not being able to be oneself. The more able one is be in the world without fear, the more courageous to be oneself and the less manipulative therefore. As the new age dawns, we will eventually become more and more aware of our self-deceptive ways and the unconscious manipulation created through the fear of not being oneself. This awareness and the subsequent choices may look many ways.

On one end, it will bring with it self-love, the presence of a love that is divine, warm, understanding, a guiding light. This guiding light will help us to be more courageous, to communicate and confront fear and it will also bring greater acceptance of oneself and therefore the world. On the other end, it will bring more fear, a sense of shaming one’s shame for being manipulative. This could manifest as more self-loathing, tendencies and habits that are self-destructive. This shaming of shame is really the ego’s demise, for only with awareness can the fear dissolve. The ego, which lives on guilt, shame and fear, will want to hold on to the fear, to keep manipulating therefore. One may find him or herself in a battle of light and dark, between love and fear.

It is good therefore to take extra time for self-love practices, incorporating throughout the day- daily affirmations, present moment awareness- of beauty, gratitude and love, a practice devoted to being One with God, loving the body and nourishing the soul. Because we have been so programmed to react in ways that are defended, to hide our guilt, shame and fear, we also must practice forgiveness. While greater awareness of that which we do not like may be difficult, it is in doing the work that we become clear, more in truth, which is love.

It is also important to note that because One becomes more aware of manipulation within Self, he or she may also become more aware of it in “others.” Do not make this real by reacting to it, for to react, would be to bring it into existence and make it true, creating more of a wall or barrier. Instead, stay centered. If someone seems to be manipulating, state how what was done made you feel. It will get easier with practice and over time.

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Seeking after the "special relationship"…


What is physical but an illusion that tries to separate us from the gross reality that who “I AM” is spirit, is love, projected in human form. As I fall for illusion, I see the suffering of the world and I start to suffer from it myself. I begin to feel sad, as if the physical form is real and spirit is not, seeking after the “special relationship” that will unite me with God, as if it could. When the special relationship lives to feel better about itself, to make up for what it thinks it lacks, it can not bring me closer to God, but only further enmeshed in an illusion of fear and separation.

When it is not God they know they are seeking, how can two flames unite as One. When the ultimate reality is Oneness with God, to seek after a relationship that does not desire the same is bound to cause pain, a “guilt of self-betrayal,” as stated in the Coure in Miracles.

So dwell not on any relationship that seeks specialness as its goal, for specialness is an illusion that exists because of guilt, shame and fear. For those too afraid to visit, they will not know, until they seek the courage to know. It is up to them.

For those whom seek to make real what is really illusion, have compassion, give love from your heart and when they deny your love, do not make it real.

Do not give what you think is love but is really fear, for always, you must discern this for yourself, and have the dignity to carry it forth. You will know it is love if you are centered.

“Once you have crossed the bridge, the value of the body is so diminished in your sight that you will see no need at all to magnify it. For you will realize that the only value the body has is to enable you to bring your brothers to the bridge with you, and to be released together there.

The bridge itself is nothing more than a transition in the perspective of reality…In the transition there is a period of confusion, in which a sense of actual disorientation may occur. But fear it not, for it means only that you have been willing to let go your hold on the distorted frame of reference that seemed to hold your world together. This frame of reference is built around the special relationship. Without this illusion there could be no meaning you would still seek here.
The period of disorientation, which precedes the actual transition is far shorter than the time it took to fix your mind so firmly on illusions. Delay will hurt you now more than before, only because you realize it is delay, and that escape from pain is really possible. Find hope and comfort, rather than despair, in this: You could not long find even the illusion of love in any special relationship here. For you are no longer wholly insane, and you would soon recognize the guilt of self-betrayal for what it is.” Course in Miracles


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What we give to others, we give to ourselves.

Today, I was reminded again of the unconscious guilt I gave to a woman that I saw at the grocery store last week. As we were both at the salad bar, I asked her a question for which she abruptly cut off and answered, “no.” I was surprised, as she did not even here my question and so without thinking, I said, “Thanks for listening.” After I said this, I saw the reaction on her face, as her shoulders dropped. I imagine that she felt bad. Suddenly, I felt guilty.

“What was my intention of saying that?” I asked myself.

I realized that my intention of saying what I said was to make her wrong. Unconsciously, I was shaming her. I thought she should know that she wasn’t listening, as if she should listen. I wasn’t in the perspective of what was going on in her world. I wasn’t in the perspective that maybe she was really in a hurry, or had a lot going on or that maybe she wasn’t loving herself enough to really be present with me. Clearly, I have done what she did before.

The Course in Miracles speaks about this unconscious guilt, and even though, I feel much more aware of myself, I still forget sometimes that:


This is probably why the foundation of the Course is forgiveness. It is commiting in advance to see love, however, knowing the illusory world is so ingrained in our culture, that the guilt we so often give to ourselves must be forgiven in order to truly grow.

At the same time, what the Course calls “unconscious guilt,” must come into our awareness, before we are to forgive ourselves. This is because, “unconscious guilt” is usually hidden in “other;” we often create it when we blame and shame.

When I shame and blame, when I am full of “should” and “shouldn’t,” “what’s wrong,” not accepting the reality presented in another person, and therefore, myself, I create unconscious guilt for myself. This is because what we give to others, we equally give to ourselves.

Even though, we can not be responsible for how another person experiences our words, we can still be responsible for how they create. Oftetimes, we are creating more guilt, shame and fear than love. To attract the kind of love we so desire, we need to be aware of our intent when we communicate- not only the words themselves, but the energy behind our words.

We want to ask ourselves, “How can I communicate my feelings, consciously, with love and respect for both me and another?”

To become more conscious of our unconscious guilt, we want to withhold judgement, blaming and shaming,”making wrong.” It is possible that when we do this, we will experience the guilt that we would have projected onto another. Oftentimes, this guilt comes from somewhere of our past, which we were taught. We want to learn how to separate from this.

When we become conscious of the guilt and shame that we project, we can make different choices. By becoming more aware of our guilt, more and more, our choices and our being will reflect truth, which is love. If not, what guilt that becomes unconscious are likely to be a cause for many of our tendencies, habits, fears and wars.

Being present to our projections and the unconscious guilt that we were taught are important keystones to being in our own energy, the energy of divine love.

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