Monthly Archives: April 2012

Special Relationships and the Contracts that Bind

When in relationship, it can be more difficult to maintain one’s own energy.
Generally, a cord is tied, a giver and receiver, an exchange of energy in which one lacks, the other gives, and visa versa. However done unconsciously, the cords are agreements that we make within relationship that, ultimately, teach us what we need to learn to grow.

Fear creates fear and so it is that fear perpetuates like a wheel turning with the momentum of whatever thoughts were fed. Fears that perpetuate within relationship temporarily seize fear through the comfort of another, through feeling special and giving one’s energy to make them feel special in return. However really what it can do is distract one from seizing cause to seek the root of the fear and dealing with it from within instead. The cord can therefore perpetuate fear through the self-limiting beliefs that another is needed in order to relieve us of it. Since also the need for distraction is from fear- one becomes at odds within himself, making himself wrong for his distractions even more.

So fear can perpetuate through our distraction of its cause and the time which is necessary to extract that cause seems to grow dim as the demands of the day and relationship grows within oneself. Now, one’s energy to believe in the Truth of who he is becomes shaken with beliefs not his own, and also with the illusions of who he thought he was but is still realizing is not.

The Truth we all want is to deepen our relationship with God and while we seek outside for this, the answer that we long for lies within. Thus, we must cultivate a relationship within ourselves, in order to be healthy in any seemingly other relationship outside. While the ability to have healthy relationships outside greatly helps and supports the evolution of one’s being, it is not alone possible without intimacy with Self first. This intimacy with Self is in reality, intimacy with God and is done through introspection, self-inquiry, and feeling Its presence by opening to It.

Because the expression of God is unique within all, it is difficult to feel complete while senselessly striving to maintain specialness within relationships, which we often end up doing. To seek specialness in relationship is to make up and distract from cause the root of suffering which helps one to realize their unique gifts that they are meant to share with all, not just one.

The awareness of a contract or an agreement that was made between two people within relationship is as necessary as for both individuals as it is for one. However, it is in seeing this contract as a gift in which one has benefitted at the cost of something else, that one’s grows and learns. Thus, whether the relationship stays or goes, the gift of what it brought is to be relished for without having it be shown, it becomes a tendency, or unconscious habit, that leaves us in the dark, feeling hopeless and without an awareness of its cause.

The gift which is the essence, the presence, and the learning is the value to be wholly is one’s own energy,which is that of God itself and nothing else. When contracts become seen, in which each one uses the other to distract from God by focusing on the body, through comfort and specialness, at the cost of seeing wholeness, then and only then can new contracts be established. Oftentimes, instead, we focus on the body and cut cords, only to realize that they later come back in a new partner or relationship, to yet again, be brought to our attention. Only until new contracts are made and the old one’s seen, can we realize what it is like to be in our own energy, which is more of love and less of fear.

Dismiss not the relationships that come into play to see what we do and don’t do to hide from love the pieces and parts in need to heal. See how we look upon special relationships to distract from what we want and hide in others our pain of what we think is not there but is. Let go of fear of being alone and seek unity within self to see and be complete and whole now, without neediness or clinging to a sense of it outside. Seek to know Self, so that when interacting outside, It shines through and the unique expression of It is wholly your own. Seek not to make the neediness for love outside “wrong” but affirm that it is from within we see ourselves, that another may look upon himself and see something wholly within that he may emanate It through his own work on how to love himself.

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Spiritual Crisis as Opportunity

Sometimes the main purpose in life and in what i do is just simply in being grounded, present and aware of who I am as a child of God. I don’t believe this is expected to be easy. Sometimes, I need to keep affirming It as me. Sometimes, I just know. When I experience the energy of God running through me, I can feel it as pure joy, full of love, wisdom, peace, and warmth. I welcome it and then, I feel Its energy in my hands and It teaches me and tells me things that I would not ordinarily know. Oftentimes, my clients will confirm it back to me by saying how loving and nurturing my hands are and feeling themselves in a greater state of peace than before they saw me. Other times, I just know because I feel great, totally in the flow and in my body. I imagine this is how people feel when they are happy but they just wouldn’t call this energy, God, as I do. I am also quite clear that this energy is for everyone, within us all.

I realize how grounded and centered I need to be in my work and in my life though and for the past couple of weeks, with great wonder, I have also been feeling a sense of anxiousness, of fear- judging myself for what I do and don’t do, It is not like I never experienced this before, but it is somewhat more intense. Perhaps because I am more aware of it and myself, that it is somewhat foreign to me. Perhaps it is also that I do not react the way I use to so unconsciously by projecting my fears as easily. I find that my time is spent on JUST needing to focus on being grounded sometimes. The fear is unusual as of lately and it manifests as a lack of clarity and disruption. I believe it is a tool to awaken me more into my true self, that I become more grounded and energized to take on more energy. My system is preparing for something bigger. I don’t know what really and I need to let this idea go but it is quite possible and sensible to me. Even considering this prospect gives me energy. While fear of losing my mind would enter, there is also a sheer presence and knowing that this is an opportunity for me to grow. This is my cause and this is how I will help people too. Obviously, this is my path.

So I write to log my experience but I am also knowing the need and desire to turn everything off. I need to let go of everything and commune in nature, unplug from everything, as one of my guides confirmed. The trees have particularly taken a liking to me and I talk to them now. I feel they talk to me and sometimes, they entice me with their textures into pure joy. They are a great resource of peace for me, to give and receive love. There are times, when I think of them or I touch them and I immediately experience great release and tears flowing. I love and appreciate them now more than ever.

The guy I am dating pointed out laughingly that his sister had a similar experience with her environment and in nature, just before “she lost her mind.” I believe him with intrigue and also, I don’t believe that it is possible for me to go “insane.” While many people might account that my experiences, my beliefs and ways of being are “insane,” I trust the divine intelligence in me to tell me what I need to do to live in peace, wisdom and sheer joy, more and more, ever-lasting. While the pull into “insanity” is quite easy without resources, tools or trust in guidance through intuition, it is in ITS strength, ITS wisdom, and Its teaching me to be grounded that I am saved.

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For the teacher of God…

The message is always for the messanger first; however, one does not need to be perfect to teach. In fact, when one teaches, he learns and in learning, he begins to embody what he teaches more and more. As he understands the teaching for himself, his presence magnifies into twice, triple or even greater times it was when he started.

Problems happen when the teacher of God does not realize this, however. While he teaches, he must realize that he is also still learning. So while the student/client comes to him for a lesson, they also come to teach the teacher about himself or a part of himself. The greatest teacher is the student therefore and takes every experience, every encounter, as an opportunity to integrate greater wisdom within himself.

It is to be expected that sometimes the teacher will stumble at his teachings and will feel out of integrity, for the love of what he teaches has not yet caught up with his actions of being and doing. The reason is because the teachings come into his life from somewhere else, not of the body, and is for the teacher to integrate within himself first. Though he may teach, the teaching becomes magnified when it is learned and embodied and so all teachings must be practiced. These practice opportunities can be a struggle at times as the ego will surely love to prove his teachings wrong and create for him doubt.

Practice opportunities are always and everywhere to forgive the ego. Rather than make it wrong and react to it, forgive it. For the ego is the mind of doubt and will tell you many things to sabbotage your best efforts at being a “qualified” teacher. It will sabbotage your greatest efforts at loving yourself and “others” for not being perfect. It will try to make you believe that you are alone and that life is scarey, so that you keep reacting out of fear and perpetuating it therefore. This is how the ego grows and yet it is important to not get stuck here and make yourself wrong; for reacting out of fear is what the world has taught you to do and since you were born to learn, it takes work to undo.

Be patient with yourself for when you react out of fear, it is the act of self-compassion and not of doubt that you move forward. In self-compassion and love, courage grows and fears dissolve as your commitment strengthens. Trust that this is so for the mind of God would not have you react out of fear but tell you that there is nothing to fear. The more that you see, the more Its love will compel you to teach and inspire and grow.

(As an exercise, you can read this out loud to yourself, replacing the words “he” or “you” (2nd/3rd narration with “I” (first) 🙂

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