Monthly Archives: August 2012

Emotional Sex and the Special Love Relationship

The thing about emotional sex is that it doesn’t last long before the will desires something else. The will of a strong ego thrives on emotions and sex to it is like a tendency or habit that keeps it thirsty for more emotion- more thrill, more passion, more “specialness.” The ego, because it has not learned how to meet its own needs, to see itself as the source of love, likes to delude itself in specialness from the outside. Sex is just one of many ways that the ego deludes itself to feel loved and while some sort of release may often be required for it to move forward from its loathing, it can’t get enough until it learns that healing is required.

The healing that is required IS love, however Self-love is the true remedy. Self-love redeems, while emotional sex offers a temporary fix for the remedy. Many of our brothers and sisters do not move from this place of emotional sex, which is often requited of emotional love or the special relationship as written about in Course in Miracles.

The special relationship, emotional sex, and emotional love, often go hand-in-hand and all are because one has imagined needs, thoughts believed to bring end to suffering. The suffering, unbeknownst to many, comes from one root cause however; this suffering stems from the belief that we are separate from God.

Because the beliefs of separation and fear leave us oftentimes in negative, low-vibratory emotions, we see no way out, but through sex, habits and tendencies that we hide in ourselves and in each other. While there is in fact an unconditional force of love called the Universe, it is often not felt or experienced due to the low-vibratory emotions one emits. The seemingly “fixed” point of view that creates the emotion, leaves one unreceptive to the Unconditional Love of God that is present. This love is the true love that heals, while all else are quick-fixes to the remedy. Thus, until one becomes more aware of their emotions and begins to believe that they are holy loved and supported by the universe, the special love relationship and the emotional sex that comes with it will continue to proffer as substitutes.

Emotional sex and the special love relationship is neither “wrong” nor “right;” most of us benefit to some degree and we all eventually learn. However, emotional sex and the special love relationship can often be painful, beset with hidden agendas, unrealized expectations, guilt and shame. It is important to realize that there is, in fact, a way out of our suffering and this way out is through the unconditional love of Self and “other.” While one may yearn to experience this love in the body through another body, one must oftentimes be the source of this love for its creation to be experienced. The meeting of a holy relationship, for which healing and Self-love are present, may seemingly take a long time, that the undoing of the special love relationship may seem like a trap. However, this is what it means to be on the “leading edge of thought.” Built on faith alone, it means to become the source of love, directly connected to the Source itself, through our intention and commitment in bringing conscious love, that is Self-love to the world, often without evidence of return.

Emotions do not exclude a more conscious, self-loving relationship. Within a conscious love relationship, emotions offer and even enhance one’s relationship to God. As opposed to the special love relationship, however, the conscious love relationship starts with Self-love. Because Self-love is present, it brings emotions of devotion and reverence, without shame or guilt, or giving-to-get. The conscious love relationship is a higher form of love, with the intention to bring unconditional love to it; sex, is one expression of this reverence.

As opposed to the blame, shame and disrespect that may form through emotional sex and the need to feel special, conscious love relationships brings emotions that are purely loving and with a loving intent. The fear behind not getting is an indication of the special love relationship.

While the special love relationship and emotional sex is mostly a thing we are born into, perpetuating itself through limiting beliefs and thoughts, the faith to move forward is the willingness to transform each special love relationship into a holy one. This means to remove fear from relationship, to take responsibility for and learn how to communicate pain without blame or shame. As sourced in Course in Miracles,

“The Holy Spirit knows no one is special. Yet He also perceived that you have made special relationships, which He would purify and not let you destroy. However unholy the reason you made them may be, He can translate them into holiness by removing as much fear as you let Him.”

Thus, let us not make wrong or bad the longing for passionate and emotional sex, but see it for what it is: oftentimes, a need to feel loved and special. Let us integrate within ourselves Self-love and healing and raise each other up from our negative emotions to see the light of day.

May all desire and need to feel special be transformed into a more intimate relationship within ourselves, a conscious love.
May we transform all special, love relationships, giving to get, into pure love, giving as receiving.
May we have the integrity not to make guilty but see things for what they are.
May all special love relationships become holy, marked with respect and reverence for ourselves and each other.

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Holding the seat of love: a process to Healing

“Disturb the comforted and comfort the disturbed” John McMullin, Journeys of Wisdom

For one to move forward in life, one must have the capacity to learn how to be comfortable in the uncomfortable; that is, to “disturb the comforted and to comfort the disturbed.”

To disturb the comforted is what many people avoid. On the other hand, many other people do it at the cost of love, through blaming, shaming, judging and with closed hearts. To disturb the comforted is to integrate possibilities where one sees none. It is to confront ego attachments to being right, justified, and perhaps superior. Also, it is confronting manipulations, hidden agendas, and the excuses we make to hide our wounds.

The root of the problem is most often underneath our words, hiding in shame and fear, not to be disrupted or brought to the surface. If brought to the surface, anger is revealed; however, often, the anger is projected onto other people. One’s anger may be the victim, “poor me” mentality, while another’s anger may be more aggressive or passive-aggressive.

To be able to disturb the comforted, one must be firm within oneself that what they are confronting is not the Truth. Perhaps what is confronted is a relative truth that either inhibits or impedes there spiritual growth, and perhaps what is being confronted is not true at all. One must assume that they do not know, but be willing to confront what comes up as a possibility. Then, one must be strengthened enough to not take the defended ego personally. It is common, for one to be defended and take personally what is being confronted. To hold the seat of love through not reacting but being with can be the most healing part of the process.

Thus, when one considers the possibilities, more healing can be integrated. Until then, the tendency will be to scratch the surface, without any depth of feeling to emerge. This is likely to be the time when One’s needs are more in learning tools to integrate how to self-love. To confront ego-attachments, hidden agendas, excuses, and ultimately, the beliefs we failed to feel, one must have a strong enough capacity to integrate love.

The process of healing is rooted is an ability to integrate love and confront ego-attachments, the obstacles to a deeper love.

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