Overcoming Holiday Family Blues


The holidays are here and so are the blues for many.

While it may seem to be that we are here for family, in reality, we are here for God.  Some may choose to say that family and God are One and this is true.  However, within the family, there are distortions and lies, suppression and denial of feelings, all which are masks that hide the true face of God.

Many may come to terms that the family we are born into is not the family for which we long.  The communion, the peace, the tranquility, the sharing, the unconditional love for which we long in our hearts, oftentimes, does not match the love we are told is there.  For this reason, we settle into family matters and accept that the denial and suppression of our true, authentic and unique self, is a part of our acceptance of each other.  In other words, we often cling to the belief that the family is  a representation of our worth and therefore, deny and suppress our authenticity out of the shame and fear of not being acceptable or enough…

For this reason, family matters often leaves one depressed, for any denial and suppression of feelings and true authentic being leaves the child of God in his wounded place: angry, resentful, unloved, bitter and simply unseen of his true reality and potential.  This suppression longs for expression; however, because of fear, the expression manifests in other ways, such as loneliness, excessive drinking, drug use, and also, the projection of fear and shame (making others wrong, i.e. complaining).

To overcome these holiday blues, One must strive for authenticity and honesty as much as possible.  However, with compassion and love to see the wound of others, and with sensitivity to see what is being heard and unheard, we must accept it into our hearts that what goes unheard does not mean anything at all.  Instead, what goes unheard and becomes misdirected , merely represents the unhealed wound that thwarts the true, authentic Self from shining through.

“Nothing from without can effect the life of God inside of me.”

If we apply this knowledge to our situations and circumstance regarding family matters, we may come to realize that our family members are a mere representation of the discord we feel within ourselves.  Regarding our connection to God, our trust or lack thereof, is uncovered in how we feel about ourselves in our relating to family situations and circumstance.  It is likely that our fear of being alone is also surfaced during these times, for the biological family for which we were brought into is the densest representation of the core wounding for which we are here to heal from.

At the core,

we are all healing from the belief that we are separate from God.

Our true family lies in the Unconditional Love of God, a Creator that given the opportunity, gives us a direct experience of Its loving presence and joyful rewards.  However, our emotional baggage and untrue beliefs regarding ourselves and the family can thwart our capacity to experience the realization that the love we seek is ALWAYS inside ourselves.

In so much as possible, to overcome the holiday blues, it is imperative to not take the negativity, the judgements and criticism, the fear and shame on as meaningful.  For the more authentic one becomes, the more challenging it may be to the family, who wishes to continue denying out of their own fear and shame.  At the same time, the more authentic one is, the freer one becomes and so too, does the family.

To whatever degree that one is able to be authentic, we must have compassion to see that the denial and suppression of feelings to remain in peace offers a remedy, albeit a temporary one.    The courage to be oneself may always arise within the family as a challenge; however, it is also important to recognize that the acceptance of the family and the building of tolerance within ourselves are useful tools to develop in either case.

The overcome the holiday blues, it is most important to consistently be accepting and loving oneSelf, to be as authentic as possible.  When judgement and criticism, fear and shame arise, it is important to not make it meaningful but instead to see  with the eyes of compassion, to know that the opportunity to build tolerance within the body, at the very least, is what is available for one’s own spiritual growth and development.

May we have the courage to be authentic, vulnerable, and open.

May we accept the differences without dismissing the light in each other.



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December 24, 2012 · 8:38 am

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