Did you do something you regretted? Say something that was judgmental and hurtful to someone else? Are you feeling “bad” because you didn’t know that your questions or comments were going to hurt someone else’s feelings, making for feelings of seperation and lack? Lets admit that to whatever degree, gossip happens and judgments leak.
No matter how perfect we try to be in this world, things happen that we don’t understand and therefore judge. Our judgments can be given to God and released in the form of a prayer or blessing but oftentimes enough those emotions and wildly wondering thoughts become expressed in words and sound judgmental and hurtful to the receivers.
When this happens:
1) Acknowledge your innocence. It is likely that your question or judgment was coming from a place of wonder or fear. In whatever case, its hard to say how an interpretation will land or be received. If met with curiosity, the question or judgement can be an opportunity for deeper reflection. If met with judgment and returned with fear, it can still be an opportunity for healing to occur. Acknowledge your innocence and don’t make yourself wrong for being curious or reacting to a thought.
2) Forgive yourself and the experience: Essentially the whole book of Course in Miracle’s primary teaching is forgiveness. It is not because we have done things wrong that we need to forgive and be forgiven, but because forgiveness is an antidote to pain, suffering and separation. When we are holding on to these things, we are mistaking them for being real. In this error, we make more of what is not true, through our reactivities, fear and shame. When we forgive, we are acknowledging the Truth, which is that everything is either a call for love or an extension of it. In forgiveness of what isn’t real, we are creating miracles that allow people to experience God’s love on Earth. Being forgiven and forgiving through prayer and a blessing is a medium to miracles that would otherwise not be as seen or acknowledged. Oftentimes, it is in our humility and vulnerability that the power of forgiveness, love, is really experienced as a felt-sense.
3) Hold the Seat of Love: When someone is in a separation story because of something you said, it is an opportunity to empathize and hold them in love. Hear what the other has to say and imagine how they may have felt and what they may be needing. Oftentimes, it is just to know that the words hurt and while you may feel “bad,” you can simply acknowledge the power that words have on people.
4) Apologize and Acknowledge. Ask yourself, do you need to apologize for what you said? Is the other person needing some reassurance or acknowledgement that you can offer? Even if you do not feel like what you said was wrong, its still o.k. to apologize and acknowledge. While you don’t have to apologize for saying what you said, you can apologize for how your words landed or were interpreted. Furthermore, acknowledging what is real and true helps us to instill positive affirmation in our minds and release separation. Acknowledging is a form of a blessing that restores connection, peace and understanding.
5) “Truth will correct all errors in my mind.” Course in Miracles. For 5-10 minutes integrate this thought and be with it. Your shifting thoughts may bounce between fear and love, but eventually, Truth, Love, will help to disintegrate any extra fear or separation, reminding you that nothing real can be threatened when restored to love. Generally, it is our being about our interpretations and judgments that create more of a mess of separation and fear. If you can realize that the underlying story is one in which we all just want to feel safe and loved, then we can be more empowered to see that the power of Now is in restoring love, rather than continuing to make fear.
6) Play and breath together: If you notice any extra energy- shame or fear hanging around, ask your companion, friend, lover…to wrestle with you. Play like wild cats or kittens that want to connect in whatever way. The point is to play. Playing helps us to release excess charge, dissolving our beliefs in separation.