Monthly Archives: November 2014

whats behind a guilt trip.

Lately, I’ve been experiencing what I have been perceiving as a number of “guilt trips.”

How I define a guilt trip is:

a perception or belief that someone is making me feel guilty, oftentimes with an intention to punish or teach me the consequences of my actions.

I have become more aware to know that guilt-trips are largely unconscious…

A lot of times we are feeding the pain, fear and guilt of the world by wanting people to feel guilty….and we don’t even know it.

I can only vaguely remember the first time I became aware of my projected guilt.  It was a few years ago, I was at Whole Foods and a woman gave me a dirty look.  In that moment, I started to make her wrong.  My ego-ic mind was so reactive to the thought of hers that I, essentially, shamed her for how she had responded to me.  I just remember the look of guilt on her face and instead of continuing on to make her wrong, in that moment, I felt guilty for how I had talked to her.

Many people have learned that projecting guilt is the best way to get their needs met…A lot of people project guilt to fulfill a need for safety, feeling supported, loved, connected…In general, underneath a guilty thought is a fear of losing something…

The reality is that guilt trips happen first because we have attacked ourselves.

Since not many minds are well trained to discern between the mind of God and Ego, there is crisis and confusion. Oftentimes, we don’t know what to do with our guilt, so we project it.  When we project it, we feel more guilty.
It is not because we are guilty that we project but because we are not self-sourcing, trusting in a higher power/purpose…many people do not have the tools to trust in their intuition and have a difficult time loving themselves.  Many people think that projecting guilt will rid them of their guilt; however, instead it gets stored in the subconscious and leaks out in different ways.

If we didn’t attack ourselves, we would deal with guilty thoughts in a different way. When we project it, we are often blaming, shaming and making wrong. Essentially, when we project, we react. But when we can experience the attack and look upon ourselves as innocent, we can be more equipped to respond. When we respond, we can be curious about any perceived attack.

A lot of times, when we attack, we are perceiving someone is attacking us.  To not perceive an attack as personal is to welcome consciousness into the perceived attack.

Top best things to do if the energy around someone produces feelings of guilt (not in any order)

1) Forgive: The best way to deal with guilt is to forgive. Forgiving what you are perceiving as the “attacker” and yourself will help you to reflect to others the miracle of Christ’s Consciousness. Forgiveness makes the world a better place.

2)Self Inquire and Self love tools: gather tools for self-care and love. Look for where you may be attacking yourself

3) Check in: Ask, “are you wanting me to feel guilty?”
4) Apologize for your part: you can at least apologize for their experience of you…
5) Imagine and ask what you may be feeling and needing; give yourself empathy
6) Imagine and ask what they may be feeling and needing; have compassion for unmet needs
7)Acknowledge what you like and appreciate
8) reassure or affirm your desire to be connected in the relationship

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Are you afraid of honoring yourSelf by limiting your time with your partner?

This is what spirit is teaching me about honoring my time in relationship and love:

When one is in a place of need to honor oneself, the fear of love leaving may come up. Even when in love, where within relationship there is potency, depth and intimacy, the need for space is a requisite for sane, healthy and loving relationships to last.

The need for solitude and the balance of communing and co-creating with multiple energies are necessary consequences reflecting one’s commitment to live in love and to being in the present moment. However, in the transition of making special relationships into Holy love relationships, the choice and decision of where one places their energy can be a scary one. It may seem that love has left, and while the boundary or need for space may be what leads two to real communion when together, the feelings one or both have may be unsettling.

Depending on what is being created within a particular relationship will the need for space and time be determined. Sometimes the relationship will call for more time together and for other times, the relationship will call for less. Regardless, the need for alone time and communing with other creative energies, family, friends, and colleagues are necessary components to living in harmony.

The fear that arises may stem from the fear of love leaving, which of course, stems from what Course in Miracles calls, “the tiny mad idea,” or the moment in time when we decided to fall asleep, believing we are separate from God. The fear of love leaving or this “tiny mad idea” perpetuates a belief that love is external to our experience and therefore, changeable, fluctuating and in need of compromise.

The fear of love leaving is oftentimes what keeps relationships together; even when it is clearly not in service to the relationship. Not acting on one’s deeper longings and commitments, for example, due to this fear, is more likely to lead to resentments, feelings of guilt and fear that self-sabbotage one’s best efforts to living in love; this invariably prevents one from being present with their partner and with what they are creating.

Within relationship, it can be difficult to admit that the need for solitude and time with others is necessary. However, the courage and strength that is mustered to honor and love one’s need for “time” is far more beneficial for a relationship than one that is based on a fear of love leaving or being One Self.  Thus, within the relationship there is a need to remember that “love never leaves its source” and that within relationship, the decision to honor oneself is required to create and live in harmony.

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