In Relinquishing Special Love: Transforming Special Love to Holy Love

One seeming dilemma in transforming the special love relationship into a holy one is the potential  loss of excitement and enthusiasm of receiving “special” attention from one significant other.  When one is on a journey to create and manifest more holy relationship(s) in their own life, that is in complete honesty and authenticity to One Self, then what they are really doing is turning heat and passion for a body (or bodies) over to God’s will, which is in loving and accepting people as they are, despite the ego’s desire to be more significant or more special than another.

While the world’s view of love has thus far been based on meeting conditions, which is emotional, the Holy love relationship is primarily about living in the heart, which generally requires at times the ability to let go of one’s own desires and rise in love, accepting and loving people wherever they may be.  With this said, the rising in love of relationships, meeting people, accepting them, honoring them for being honest with themselves, will automatically transmute emotional love energy into conscious love energy, from passion to the body over to passion to implement God’s will, which is at its foundation based on friendliness.

Emotional love energy fuels most relationships, conscious or otherwise.  However, emotional love energy is also often less mature, fleeting and based on neediness, fear and shame.  It is also more passionate, heating, and destructive.  When connected to the heart, emotional love energy fuels higher purpose, Self-expression and freedom.  A good deal of us struggle between living in the heart and living by our emotions.  While living in the heart will expand our capacity to experience emotions, living for our emotions will make it more challenging to live in our heart.

Thus, the challenge happens with the onslaught of doubt; when the spiritual warrior or the miracle-minded begin to question God’s boundless love for them.  Remembering that God’s love is boundless and all we really want, we are able to open up to the freedom that offering boundless love brings to us.  Only then can we truly experience the bliss, joy and happiness that the release from the special relationship can bring.  When we can remember the state in which we are free by extending love to another, our happiness and bliss will expand.  However, when we doubt that by offering boundless love to another that we are better off, freer and happier, then we are more likely to become resentful, manipulative, controlling and possessive, completely reactive to our emotional turmoil over not feeling special enough.


In Truth, the degree to which one can be released from fear of not maintaining a special relationship, the more real love will enter, not just in the form of true and lasting friendships, but also in the experience of greater devotion and life purpose, a deeper sense of reason to be here on Earth than ever before.  While the relinquishment of the special relationship may bring up unconscious fear, shame and guilt, the undoing of it, will inevitably lead to the fulfillment of purposeful relationships, both rooted in Spirit and in Love.

 Whenever you are challenged, unenthusiastic, or feeling a shift in perception that creates discomfort or doubt in you, ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?  Is it the body or the Truth?  Am I discontent because I yearn for emotional love and acceptance, to feel special by another or because I am mistrusting that God’s love is boundless and will not bring to me the sense of peace and joy that I long?”


“Remembering God’s love is boundless and by extending the Truth, which is love, to another, I am made freer.  I willingly release this fear of not being special and give it to God.  Through this, I am made freer.”


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Are your complaints disempowering you? Are you running the same story in your head?

Every complaint has a gift.  If we think of a complaint in terms of higher purpose and as something that has already happened, then we will view  our complaint, or pain, as something we chose to work on in this life.  All complaints, when powerfully chosen, lead to higher purpose; they can not bring us anywhere but closer to love.  When a complaint, story or disempowering belief is not powerfully chosen, then it is because it is still teaching us; we have not experienced enough pain to drop the story.

In order to drop the story of a complaint, it seems to be difficult.  Indeed, even if one were to consistently try, the story or disempowering belief will still come up.  This is because our complaints have lessons- universal teachings- that we are meant to learn and embody.  The more we learn the teaching, the more we embody and teach it to the world.  While partly we teach to learn, it is also true that various trials and “tests” will occur to help us embody the universal teaching to a larger degree.

As said in Course in MIracles, “Who are Gods Teachers,”

               “They come from all over the world.  They come from all religions and from no religion.  THey are the ones who have answered.  The Call is universal. It goes on all the time everywhere.  It calls for teachers to speak for It and redeem the world.  Many hear It, but few will answer.  Yet it is all a matter of time.  Everyone will answer in the end, but the end can be a long, long way off.  It is because of this that the plan of the teachers was established.  Their function is to save time.  Each one begins as a single light, but with the Call at its center it is a light that can not be limited.  And each one saves a thousand years of time as the world judges it.  To the Call Itself times has no meaning…There is a course for every teacher of God…Its central theme is always “God’s Son is guiltless, and in his innocence is his salvation…It does not matter who the teacher was before he heard the Call.  He has become a savior by his answering.  He has seen someone else as himself.  He has therefore found his own salvation and the salvation of the world.  In his rebirth is the world reborn.”

Without our stories, complaints or limiting beliefs, we would not be here.  However, the teachers of God, as talked about in the Course, are those whom choose to see their complaint in a light that eventually will become brighter.  This light becomes stronger as soon as the teacher looks inside and asks, “What do I have to learn from this experience?”  “What universal truth is Creation calling me to teach/embody?”  The light grows when the teacher has passed enough tests to see the universal theme consistent in the teaching and to respond with love, without needing to react out of fear or shame.

With this said,

Is their a disempowering story, complaint or belief that you are running in your head?

If so, ask:

“What do I have to learn from this experience?”

“How do I react to this thought/belief/story/complaint?”

“What universal teaching/truth is Creation calling me to teach/embody?”

“Is there anything I need to say or do (respond to) in order to have this teaching be more integrated within me?”

Write down this teaching on paper.  Read it to learn it.

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When relationships don’t last or never begin: the gift


Sometimes there is pain in relationships that do not last and/or never begin.  We, often, project our pain as a story that means something about who we are as deficient, flawed or otherwise less than or too much.  The pain from a relationship that doesn’t last or never begins usually entails an experience of a forbidden love, an unavailable emotional bond, and a lack of feeling special.  “Why can’t the other be available?”  “Do they not see?”  “Are they blind?”  “What is the problem?”  “What is wrong with me?”  “What is wrong with them?”

At times, we people, living the singled life, can frustrate ourselves with thoughts of the unrelenting love that just won’t show up in our lives.  Our emotions then create commotion in our lives that make it difficult to really be fully present to the power of now.

I have realized overtime that falling for unavailable men has been a great gift.  While it is admittedly heart wrenching at times to want to explore in partnership with another being of like-mind, who is not available, the value of falling for unavailable men has been extremely insightful, allowing me time to reflect and heal.

The gift that the emotionally unavailable offer:

1) Insight one:  Relationships aren’t available for good reason.  Many times, people carry emotional baggage/wounds from incomplete relationships.  When a relationship moves too fast, they pass them onto their lovers.  This makes it more difficult to realize purpose.

2) Insight two: In chasing the unavailable, the fantasy of them can become disappointing when they do become available.  This puts things in perspective that living in fantasy land is really not the most productive use of time and energy.

3) Insight three: Falling for the unavailable and realizing the above things helps us to become more present to life NOW.  We can notice when we are in fantasy land faster and so choose whether we really want to be in it or not.  Also, we become more accepting of what is and although we don’t know why the relationship didn’t work out, we can be more comfortable and trusting of the unknown.  I have found the application, “I do not know my own best interest,” from a course in Miracles to be extremely helpful in this context.

4) Insight 4: Falling for the unavailable brings up emotional material that is an opportunity to heal.  The fear of aloneness for example is an awareness that ultimately allows the spiritual warrior within to emerge, thus to be more capable of living alone, developing a more harmonious and healthy relationship within.  The awareness of our mistrust of being connected to a higher source or purpose, also, allows us an opportunity to shift our perspective into seeking a higher purpose; through this, we become inspired.

5) Insight 5: Falling for what’s not available and getting upset about it is a form of self-betrayal stemming from fear or a lack of feeling connected to One’s higher purpose.  When we idolize people to be more for us than they are, we leave ourselves.  We compromise the integrity of knowing who we are as with a purpose.  We forget that our higher purpose is guiding us in all that we do and leak energy for the sake of thinking someone else is better.  Self-betrayal stems from mistrust in Source and fear of the unknown.  When someone is not available, then it is helpful to consider that it is because their higher purpose does not serve our own at the time.  When relationships are meant to work out, then they do; there is a sense of ease and grace within relationships that are meant to be.  Also, the likelihood of Self-betrayal is diminished significantly, for when relationships work out, it guides us toward fulfilling our higher purpose.

As said in Course in Miracles,

“Whenever you feel fear in any form- and you are fearful if you do not feel a deep content, a certainty of help, a calm assurance Heaven goes with you, – be sure you made an idol, and believe it will betray you.  For beneath your hope that it will save you lie the guilt and pain of self-betrayal and uncertainty, so deep and bitter that the dream cannot conceal completely all your sense of doom.  Your self-betrayal must result in fear, for fear is judgement, leading surely to the frantic search for idols and for death.”


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Confusion as the precipice of new experience and the Unforgiving Mind

Do you ever feel that you are in a state of confusion that disrupts your peace of mind and leaves you feelings stuck?


This writing offers perspective on the confusion, doubt and fear that often occurs when making decisions.

Oftentimes our peace of mind or lack thereof is directly related to unforgiveness or the fear of sin.  The unforgiving mind is a mind that is so afraid of making mistakes that it can not fathom moving forward.  As said in Course in Miracles,

“The unforgiving mind is torn with doubt, confused about itself and all it sees; afraid and angry, weak and blustering, afraid to go ahead, afraid to stay, afraid to waken or to go to sleep, afraid of every sound, yet more afraid of stillness; terrified of darkness, yet more terrified at the approach of light.  What can the unforgiving mind perceive but its damnation  What can it behold except the proof that all its sins are real.  The unforgiving mind sees no mistakes, but only sins.  It looks upon the world with sightless eyes, and shrieks as it beholds its own projections rising to attack its miserable parody of life.”

A good deal of crisis and confusion is the result of the unforgiving mind, which makes any amount of moving forward in life near to impossible.  In not moving forward, that is, in not taking actions toward that which brings us curiosity and joy, we become angry, resentful, judgmental, and unaware.

Usually, confusion, doubt and fear is caused from 2 opposing thoughts- 1 thought which reflects a desire or action and another thought which reflects the fear or judgement of taking action on the desire.  One can say that the 2 opposing thoughts are between both love and fear, forgiveness and unforgiveness.

For me, confusion and doubt has been my greatest block to freedom.  At the same time, it has also been the precipice for change in my life.  Whenever I am about to explore something courageous, new, and potentially “dangerous,” especially when it is outside of the norm or rules of society, I get confused.  This confusion is usually indicative of a battle between the 2 opposing thoughts.  It also usually becomes the first sign of a developing and expanding awareness that opens my heart and grows me.  Additionally, confusion often represents a healing, an awareness of the unforgiving mind, in which I fight, feel separate and battle with.

Whether I decide to act on a thought or desire or not, the confusion that is created ultimately becomes my study and helps me to clear the muck from the water in which I swim.  First, it is the opportunity to love the unforgiving mind.  To acknowledge its fears and ask what it needs to hear, to assure that it is loved.  The confusion also is an indication that I must still gather the vision, strength and wisdom necessary for me to move forward into my new experience consciously, that is with dignity and trust.  Like the fool that without mind or thought embarks into the unknown, with curiosity and joy, he must also eventually come to reason with himself about how much he has grown from his experience, how much he has trusted and how much he has let go, in order that he might inspire the world; the fool is the spiritual warrior, the seeker who represents to the world, the state of confusion in which we embark into the unknown in order that we may love more fully.

Confusion often represents to us a doorway into unchartered territory, a territory in which we desire to explore, but safely, knowing we are loved and lovable.  At the same time, it indicates to us our deeper fear that we are not loved, that we are alone and without a guide to lead the way.  The confusion that is often created  symbolizes the fear, the unforgiving mind, that says, “if you do this, then you are bad, wrong, and punishable by God and thus the world.”  “If you do this, there is no turning back!”

The unforgiving mind would have it not be that our confusion lead to courage, grace and acceptance of our choices; however, it can be exactly that.  Our confusion can thus become the precipice in which we learn to love and experience more fully all that life has to offer, in whichever choice we may make.  Confusion is often the state prior to experiencing life, integrating wisdom, and moving forward in greater joy, peace and harmony.

Confusion often settles once we make a choice.  No matter what choice we make, the process of clearing, envisioning and embodying wisdom, leads us to  realize that there is no choice that we can make “wrong,” especially when we go into our choice with love and awareness.  There is no experience or choice that will doom us when we powerfully choose to love  and forgive ourselves regardless of the outcome.

So- with that said, if you feel confused, in doubt, or afraid about the choices to make in your life, you can ask:

Am I afraid of making a mistake?  What mistake am I afraid to make?

If I make a mistake, can I forgive myself?  What do I need to know, that I may trust, learn and grow from my experiences/mistakes?

How curious/excited/desirous am I to learn about this particular thing that I am confused about?

What next step can I take that brings me closer to recognizing the value in my desire?

If I act on this desire, what can be the benefits?  What can I gain from this new experience?What are  the costs?  What might I lose?

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The Willingness to Move Forward

 “Prem means love, devarahi means a divine pilgrim. The full name will mean a divine pilgrim of love. Life is a pilgrimage, and unless love is attained, it remains only a pilgrimage never reaching anywhere. It goes on moving in circles and never does the moment of fulfillment come when one can say ’I have arrived. I have become that for which I had come. The seed is fulfilled in the flowers.”
 Osho,  “Don’t Look Before You Leap”
The willingness to move forward is not a horizontal view but a vertical one.  It is the willingness to see one’s worth, stepping into the unknown with love, courage and compassion; at the same time, it is leaving love present through circumstance and situations, being grateful for life experiences, the wisdom cultivated in the process and the forgiveness that allows one to breath.  Moving forward in willingness, in love, is a gift to the world and is therefore returned, for what it requires is courage and the audacity to accept oneself completely, despite mistakes along the way.
The gift that willingness offers is a rebirth.  The death that occurs is the realization of worthiness and higher purpose.  For when one moves forward, despite fear and shame, they rescript the world’s belief in fear, scarcity, lack and limitation.  Invariably, these beliefs are overcome within the individual and as the seeker moves forward in willingness, their belief in love and purposefulness grows.
As courage and might within the individual grows, their beside him/her are mighty companions who wish to move forward in willingness too.  They may or may not be embracing the Truth fully; however, the more courageous the seeker becomes, the Truth unfolds before them and so too does their willingness.  As willingness grows within them, their light becomes joined and  thus, increases in value by those whom see themselves as “outside.”  In this, the fear to look inside dissolves and the world’s problems now become unmasked, seen as an inner problem that now has resolution.  The little willingness that is required is all it takes.
A time comes for the seekers of Truth to emerge more fully, embracing their gifts and shining light onto the world.  Now, that they are joined, the grandeur that he/she offers in presence, becomes multiplied and shared.  However, the seeker that walks in willingness also must walk with gentleness and therefore, the willingness to rest must always be remembered.  It is in times of rest that the seekers of Truth integrate and gather strength.

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The Choice: Truth or Illusion

The CHoice: toward spiritual evolution

In the LIght of the Shadow

There will be choices along the path.  These choices are opportunities to choose oneness or fear.  The choice is your awareness of both the light and the shadow in a situation and within yourself.  When you are aware of both the light and shadow, you can make a choice.  Ask yourself: “Do I want truth or illusion?”  “Do I want unconditional love, oneness, peace, harmony, joy or do I wish to multiply illusions, feeding a belief in fear, shame, guilt and separation.”

“ Everything you see is a result of your thoughts.  There is no exception to this fact.  Thoughts are not big or little; powerful or weak.  They are merely true or false.  Those that are true create their own likeness.  those that are false make theirs.”

_Course in Miracles

When we identify with the shadow and think we deserve it, that we are punishable or otherwise in need of remorse, the shadow seems to consume us and so does our outward picture of “life.”  Thus, when we identify with the shadow, it creates more illusions around us.  When we have the subtle awareness of both light and shadow- truth or illusion- we are more apt to choose the light, because the light is who we really are in Truth.  The discernment between truth and illusion becomes clearer when perception dissolves into clarity.

In light of the shadow, we choose love.  In light of the shadow, we see it for what it is and integrate what our heart says is best.  In light of the shadow, we raise our hearts and minds to a higher purpose, to see Truth as love, the only reality.  We acknowledge in the past that we have denied and forgotten love because of fear; however as the choice becomes clearer, Truth or illusion, so does our reality shift.  We have denied because we have been perpetuating beliefs that have us believe we are so far removed from our Source.  The reality is the exact opposite.  The Source in within and never leaves.

When the thought arises, the “shadow” or “the scary place,” we might say, we need not quickly toss it away, deny it or make it wrong; for when we do, we act impulsively and with guilt, and then claim victim without a choice.  Instead, therefore, we do our best to sit with the shadow longer and in deep contemplation, we make the discernment of what our heart feels is “good,” compassionate and loving.  This simple act is an automatic clearing of perception into true awareness, formless and within us all.

The clearer our perception the greater our chance of peace, unconditional love, harmony and joy.  A person may wish to deny the desire of these things because somewhere in life, he/she learned differently, opposite to what is true.  However, the past is past and we can not bring it here to excuse us of our habits, tendencies and impulsive nature.  Instead, we must choose consciously.  We must see the choice is there and have the desire to raise our perception to light, to higher purpose, to compassion and heart.  Also we must forgive ourselves and give our reactivities and judgments, fear and shame to the Love that takes it all way.

“Now is the time when I let go of my Fears, ambitions and sense of dread. when I give up control and let you hold me with no resistance in my soul…This is the day when I throw it all away to the fire of the all loving one. Now I have just what I need to feel free to be who I really am.. .  Lyrics by Jaya Lakshmi.


February 23, 2013 · 5:49 am

Overcoming Holiday Family Blues


The holidays are here and so are the blues for many.

While it may seem to be that we are here for family, in reality, we are here for God.  Some may choose to say that family and God are One and this is true.  However, within the family, there are distortions and lies, suppression and denial of feelings, all which are masks that hide the true face of God.

Many may come to terms that the family we are born into is not the family for which we long.  The communion, the peace, the tranquility, the sharing, the unconditional love for which we long in our hearts, oftentimes, does not match the love we are told is there.  For this reason, we settle into family matters and accept that the denial and suppression of our true, authentic and unique self, is a part of our acceptance of each other.  In other words, we often cling to the belief that the family is  a representation of our worth and therefore, deny and suppress our authenticity out of the shame and fear of not being acceptable or enough…

For this reason, family matters often leaves one depressed, for any denial and suppression of feelings and true authentic being leaves the child of God in his wounded place: angry, resentful, unloved, bitter and simply unseen of his true reality and potential.  This suppression longs for expression; however, because of fear, the expression manifests in other ways, such as loneliness, excessive drinking, drug use, and also, the projection of fear and shame (making others wrong, i.e. complaining).

To overcome these holiday blues, One must strive for authenticity and honesty as much as possible.  However, with compassion and love to see the wound of others, and with sensitivity to see what is being heard and unheard, we must accept it into our hearts that what goes unheard does not mean anything at all.  Instead, what goes unheard and becomes misdirected , merely represents the unhealed wound that thwarts the true, authentic Self from shining through.

“Nothing from without can effect the life of God inside of me.”

If we apply this knowledge to our situations and circumstance regarding family matters, we may come to realize that our family members are a mere representation of the discord we feel within ourselves.  Regarding our connection to God, our trust or lack thereof, is uncovered in how we feel about ourselves in our relating to family situations and circumstance.  It is likely that our fear of being alone is also surfaced during these times, for the biological family for which we were brought into is the densest representation of the core wounding for which we are here to heal from.

At the core,

we are all healing from the belief that we are separate from God.

Our true family lies in the Unconditional Love of God, a Creator that given the opportunity, gives us a direct experience of Its loving presence and joyful rewards.  However, our emotional baggage and untrue beliefs regarding ourselves and the family can thwart our capacity to experience the realization that the love we seek is ALWAYS inside ourselves.

In so much as possible, to overcome the holiday blues, it is imperative to not take the negativity, the judgements and criticism, the fear and shame on as meaningful.  For the more authentic one becomes, the more challenging it may be to the family, who wishes to continue denying out of their own fear and shame.  At the same time, the more authentic one is, the freer one becomes and so too, does the family.

To whatever degree that one is able to be authentic, we must have compassion to see that the denial and suppression of feelings to remain in peace offers a remedy, albeit a temporary one.    The courage to be oneself may always arise within the family as a challenge; however, it is also important to recognize that the acceptance of the family and the building of tolerance within ourselves are useful tools to develop in either case.

The overcome the holiday blues, it is most important to consistently be accepting and loving oneSelf, to be as authentic as possible.  When judgement and criticism, fear and shame arise, it is important to not make it meaningful but instead to see  with the eyes of compassion, to know that the opportunity to build tolerance within the body, at the very least, is what is available for one’s own spiritual growth and development.

May we have the courage to be authentic, vulnerable, and open.

May we accept the differences without dismissing the light in each other.


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December 24, 2012 · 8:38 am